Episode #431 – Building habits for your hard days

This is episode 431 of the Brilliant Balance podcast. Today we’re talking about building habits that withstand your hardest days.

There is this particular moment that I experience seemingly over and over again with the women in our communities, like our BOLD and our Brave communities. It usually goes like this: the woman I am coaching is motivated. She is ambitious. She is very clear that this is the season she is finally going to do the thing, right? She’s going to get consistent in some practice that she has decided is important to her.

It could be that she’s going to be writing, or meditating, or getting organized, or taking care of herself in some way. So she builds the perfect system—the color-coded plan, the beautifully laid-out document organized down to the micro-minute. She gets the gear. She downloads the apps. It’s this very elaborate preparation.

And then she executes perfectly for one glorious day. Maybe two. And then life happens, right? She doesn’t sleep well, or a kid gets sick, or a meeting runs long, or her energy just isn’t there. And instead of adjusting, she thinks, “Well, I guess I suck. I can’t do it the right way, so I’m just not going to do it at all.” And just like that, the whole thing comes to an end.

Today I want to talk about why this keeps happening and how we can build a way that actually allows us to survive real life. How do we build habits not for our best days, not for the perfect scenario, but habits for our hard days? Because honestly, we probably have more of those than ideal days.

The first point I want to get into is why ideal habits fail. Why do habits fail when we design them for best-case scenarios? And why are we so prone to do that?

I think most habits fail not because we lack discipline. I actually think the women I interact with are very disciplined. They fail because we over-engineer them.

You’re probably not failing because you’re inconsistent. You’re failing because you have a process that only works when everything goes right. I think of these as “Plan A” habits—and then we act shocked when Plan A doesn’t survive a Tuesday in February when things fall apart.

This is where perfectionism sneaks in at the edges. It tells us it doesn’t count if we can’t do it perfectly. If you can’t do the full version, you may as well not start at all. Perfectionism loves streaks—the idea that if you miss a day, you’ve completely failed.

Sidebar: I hate streaks. I don’t think they’re helpful. I prefer batting averages—what percentage of days did you complete the habit, not how many days in a row. Streaks create so much pressure when they break.

High-achieving women especially are seduced by habits designed for ideal scenarios. We love visions. We love perfection. But it’s self-defeating.

I think about a client I worked with years ago who wanted to make writing a habit. She loved writing but wasn’t doing it consistently. Her ideal version included a 90-minute uninterrupted session, fresh coffee, a perfectly clear desk, deep focus—so she almost never wrote. Unless everything aligned perfectly, it was a no.

Her problem wasn’t motivation. It was design. She had no version of writing that worked on a normal day, much less a bad one. How often do you really have 90 uninterrupted minutes?

So the second thing we need to do is build for the worst day, not the best day. There’s a concept I love: the best habits are the ones you can do on your worst days. Not the ones that impress you or anyone else. Not the Instagram-worthy version. The version that protects you.

I use the phrase “minimum viable dose.” What’s the smallest version of the habit that still counts? The one that works when you’re tired, busy, overwhelmed, discouraged, or unmotivated. This reframes success as doing it, not doing it perfectly.

To do this, you have to identify the essence of the habit. What are you really trying to reinforce? What’s the smallest version that keeps you in the game?

For example, if you want to meditate, Plan A might be 30 minutes in a perfectly quiet space with the perfect cushion and candle. Plan B might be five or ten minutes before bed as part of a wind-down ritual. And Plan C might be three deep breaths before setting your alarm for the next morning.

See how far that steps down—from ideal, to decent, to minimum viable?

The same applies at home. Plan A might be a fully reset kitchen every night. Plan B could be clearing the counters. Plan C might be washing and putting away your own cup. One small act of order still counts.

Writing is one for me this year. Plan A might be an hour of focused writing. Plan B, fifteen messy minutes. Plan C, one sentence. Anything to avoid a zero.

Sometimes Plan C even gives you momentum to keep going.

If a habit only works on your best days, it’s not a habit—it’s a performance. Habits must work on your worst days.

The third idea is this: one is greater than zero. Every time.

Zeros feed all-or-nothing thinking, which is a huge problem for high-achieving women. Any action—even a tiny one—keeps your identity intact. It allows you to say, “I’m someone who shows up for myself.”

Everything above zero compounds—not because it’s impressive, but because it adds up. You don’t lose momentum when you downshift. You lose momentum when you quit.

There are days when I write with energy and flow. And days when all I can manage is opening the document and writing one not-very-good thought. It still counts. It keeps me in relationship with the habit.

So what’s that for you?

Pick one habit you’ve been overcomplicating. Meal planning. Reading. Working out. Where is the standard just too high for this season of your life?

Define your Plan A—your ideal. Dream it. Then define Plan B for when life goes sideways. And pre-define it so it doesn’t feel like failure.

Then define Plan C—your minimum viable dose. Decide in advance that it still counts.

Consistency is built by removing shame and resets. There’s no “starting over Monday.” You just keep going.

Habits aren’t about proving discipline. They’re about building trust with yourself. Trust isn’t built on perfection. It’s built on keeping promises—even small ones.

You don’t need a more elaborate plan. You need a gentler standard and a habit that can survive real life.

The women who succeed at habits aren’t the ones with the fanciest systems. They’re the ones who refuse to let a hard day turn into a zero.

That’s what I want for you, for me, for all of us.

Thanks for tuning in today. If this episode helped you, please share it with another woman in your life. The best way this show grows is one woman sharing it with another. Rating or reviewing the show is also incredibly helpful.

I’m so grateful you’re here and part of this community. That’s all for today, my friends. Until next time—let’s be brilliant.