Episode #430 – Accountability is a forcing function

This is episode 430 of the Brilliant Balance podcast. And today I’m talking about accountability as a forcing function. So if you’re listening to this episode in real time—the week it’s released—I want to let you know this is your last chance to register for the free workshop that I am hosting in January. It’s called Make Your Week Work For You.

The link to register is in the show notes, or you can go to brilliant-balance.com/reclaim. This is a really, really important workshop because I think so many of us are living lives that work for everyone else, but they don’t work for us. And I want to change that.

I’ve learned a thing or two over the years that I’m ready to share. I think what we’re going to unpack in that one hour on January 21st is going to be really powerful in helping you get your week back on your side—where you have a sense of agency and control over the things you are and are not doing. So if this is your year to feel like you’re really back in charge of your own life, you’ll want to make sure you join me. Again, that’s brilliant-balance.com/reclaim, and we’ll see you on the 21st.

Today we’re talking about something I think we all struggle with: having big goals, big intentions, big plans, and then ultimately realizing that not everything gets done. For a variety of reasons, we get in our own way—or life gets in our way—and the things we thought we were going to do simply don’t get done.

I would argue it’s not because we aren’t motivated. A lot of us beat ourselves up about motivation. I would also argue it’s not because we don’t care. We care a lot. It’s really because the goals we set for our lives don’t always come with the same built-in accountability that our work-related projects do.

At work, deadlines, expectations, colleagues, and bosses all help us show up for the things we’ve agreed to do. But we’re often lacking those same systems at home. So today I want to share some stories, offer a few insights from behavioral science, and give examples of how appropriate accountability can be the game changer that helps the results in our personal lives match the results we achieve at work.

Let’s start by talking about why work wins. Why does work always seem to be the thing that gets done? We say yes to meetings, deadlines, projects, and appointments at work—and typically, we follow through.

I regularly hear stories from women who are up until 1 or 2 in the morning or getting up at 4 a.m. to get work projects done, because heaven forbid we don’t. Yet when it comes to the same level of follow-through in our personal lives, it doesn’t always match.

I think this happens because while we have private intentions at home, we also have flexible timelines. Things become too easy to postpone because it feels like no one else will be affected except us. But the reality is, we don’t rise to the level of our intentions—we fall to the level of our systems.

If we don’t have a system to hold ourselves accountable to important—but not public—priorities, motivation alone isn’t enough. We’re missing a piece of the puzzle.

Think about a week in your life within the last month where everything you set out to do at work got done. The projects were completed, meetings attended, deadlines met—but the handful of things you said you were going to do for yourself didn’t happen.

That’s a universal experience. We say, “Well, I guess the only person I let down was myself.” And that’s telling. It suggests we don’t always treat our own goals and priorities as seriously as the ones we have for other people.

Now let’s talk about what a forcing function is. I called this episode Accountability Is a Forcing Function. In plain English, a forcing function removes optionality. It makes the right action almost unavoidable. It reduces delays and increases follow-through.

A personal trainer is a great example. If you know you’re meeting someone at a specific time who’s guiding your workout, you’re probably going to show up and do the reps. That structure increases the likelihood that you’ll do the thing.

For this podcast, years ago we committed to releasing an episode every Tuesday. At first, I wondered who would really notice if we missed a week. But we’ve never missed one—and you would notice. Longtime listeners are ready on Tuesday mornings. Knowing someone is waiting on the other side serves as a forcing function.

I show up even when it’s hard, even when life is busy, even when I’m struggling to put ideas together. Contrast that with my longstanding dream of publishing a book. I’ve talked about it, written about it, shared it with clients. I absolutely want to write a book.

But is it done? No. Because I haven’t put a system in place that creates external accountability. I tell myself I’ll get to it, or that my motivation should be enough. But I know the moment I put money down for an editor or publisher—when someone else is asking if deadlines are met—the book will get done.

Even though we know forcing functions work, we sometimes resist putting them in place. We think we should be able to do it ourselves. That belief gets in the way.

Gretchen Rubin’s The Four Tendencies explains this well. Upholders are internally motivated. Obligers do best with external accountability. Many high-achieving women are obligers—even if they appear very self-motivated. Resistance is normal, especially when we already feel accountable everywhere else.

But accountability doesn’t create pressure—it creates priority.

There are low-leverage accountability options, like spouses or friends. They can help, but they’re often too gentle or too emotionally complicated. High-leverage accountability comes from structured systems with neutral expectations—coaches, trainers, advisors, paid support, or structured groups.

When there’s a predictable rhythm and skin in the game, results follow. As both a client and provider, I see this again and again.

So I want you to ask yourself: Where might accountability be the missing ingredient in your life? What goal has been floating on your to-do list without moving forward?

Structure creates freedom. Accountability restores agency. And sometimes, extra support is the difference between mediocre results and exceptional ones.

If you’re not registered for the workshop yet, this is your last chance. Go to brilliant-balance.com/reclaim. It’s free, and you’ll get the replay.

If you liked today’s episode, please share it with someone who would benefit. That’s all for today, my friends. Until next time—let’s be brilliant.