Episode #422 – Make holiday choices that work for you

This is episode 422 of the Brilliant Balance podcast. Today we’re making holiday choices work for you. Hello, friends, and welcome back. Today we’re going to get into something that sneaks up on all of us every year—even though it happens at the exact same time—and that is the holidays.

You know, the ones we’re supposed to look forward to with all the sparkling lights, the perfectly decorated cookies, and the Pinterest-worthy array of gifts. We all got handed the memo—the assignment—years ago. But for many of us, it’s started to feel more like a full-time job with zero vacation days. You’re cramming everything in on top of your job, on top of year-round family responsibilities. By December 26th, you may even be wondering if you still like your family as much as you thought you did.

What I want to do today is remind you of a timeless message in this community: you don’t have to do everything. You have full permission to make choices. And the things you choose to do? You don’t have to handle them all by yourself. You really can enjoy this season without collapsing into a puddle of exhaustion at the end of it.

How many of you would say you’ve gotten sick during the holidays in recent years because you ran yourself into the ground leading up to them? Then, when you finally had a week off, you spent it on the couch or in bed because your immune system finally took a break—and immediately got overwhelmed.

We unintentionally contribute to this pattern every single year. And while we’re still at the front end of the season, when we actually have time to influence how it goes, I want us to consider a few things. I want us to look honestly at how we contribute to our own overwhelm—how we may be our own worst enemy. I want to give you permission to break with tradition when it’s no longer serving you. I want to remind you that you do not have to do everything yourself. And I want to give you some practical ideas that add efficiency to your holidays. I even have a couple of resources I’ll link for you.

At its core, this all begins with clarifying what really matters most to you.

There is no one “right” way to do the holidays. Not even within the same family. We can easily acknowledge differences between families—and even between holidays—but there can also be differences from year to year or chapter to chapter within your own family. What makes sense evolves.

I’m always inspired when I hear from women in this community who are creating new traditions or modifying the ones they grew up with—simplifying and refining down to what matters most, what works best for their kids, their extended family, and this era of life.

Some things may be part of your “core,” and others may just be fun extras to add in this year because they sound fun—but not necessarily every year.

So let’s start with the heart of it: what matters most to you?

Ask yourself: What do I want to feel this holiday season?

Do you want to feel connected to the people you’re spending it with? Do you want to feel calm and peaceful—those classic holiday words we usually only write in cards? Do you want to feel joyful and energized because everything is fun and sparkly? Do you want a sophisticated, refined vibe—like the “Ralph Lauren Christmas” everyone is talking about this year? Do you want a natural, winter-inspired feel with beauty from the outdoors brought inside?

These are important questions. How do you want to feel? What aligns with that? What lights you up?

When you think about everything you could do this season, which things genuinely excite you—and which things completely drain you? Pay attention to that. That’s how you’ll decide what to keep, what to let go of, and where you might bring in support.

Being selective—doing less—is not a failure. It’s a strategy. It’s intentionality. It protects your energy so you can actually create the magic.

Consider which parts of your holiday traditions you want at all. And if you do want them, do you want to execute them yourself? Or could someone else share in the process—whether someone in your home or someone you hire?

In my neighborhood, lots of people hire out their holiday lights. There’s a service that comes through in October putting up a very particular kind of light on everyone’s house. One day the lights are just up. They’re beautiful. And my neighbors are not involved at all.

I have memories of my dad spending hours laboring over lights, and our family doing the same. But again—it’s a choice. Do we want that? Do we want something simple? Something elaborate? Something outsourced? There’s no one right way.

Define what matters most to you and make a short list. That’s the starting point for making holiday choices that work for you instead of against you.

The truth is, we do contribute to our own overwhelm. A lot of holiday stress is self-created. We overcommit out of habit, guilt, fear of disappointing someone, or the idea that doing more makes us better, more lovable, more impressive. Then we scroll Instagram and feel like we’re failing before we even start.

Let me be honest—there have been years when I went wildly overboard with holiday baking. In the name of gift-giving, there was an era when I made elaborate baskets of homemade breads, cookies, and rolls for every person who worked for me and every person who worked for my husband. And we had big teams.

It became a project with a life of its own. It started as something small and fun, but as our families and teams grew, it became heavy. One year I finally said, “This has to end.” I loved that we did it. And it was over.

The same thing happened with elaborate neighbor gifts. At one point it was fun. Later, it wasn’t. So I simplified it. I adapted it to the season of life I’m in.

You don’t have to be a victim of holiday chaos. Sometimes you’re the architect—which is good news, because architects can redesign.

So here is your permission slip to break with tradition.

Traditions exist to serve you—not the other way around. They need to be both meaningful and manageable. If they’re meaningful but exhausting to execute, they don’t work anymore.

There are traditions around food, entertainment, holiday parties, cards, photos—all of it. And every single one can be simplified. You don’t have to make every year bigger, better, and more complicated.

A client of mine lost her dad this year. It’s been an incredibly difficult season. She decided they’re not doing their usual traditions. They’re taking a big family trip instead. They’ll enjoy local holiday decor, but not decorate their own home this year. It’s probably not a forever change, but it meets the moment. I think it’s beautiful.

You are allowed to curate your holiday this year. You get to choose what brings joy and let go of the rest. Letting go actually makes room for more spontaneity—more fun, more connection, more laughter. It makes the season lighter, not emptier.

Breaking with tradition might stir up emotion—for you or for others. You might feel guilt, anxiety, or fear of judgment. Lean into that. It’s a chance to practice a skill that will serve you everywhere else in life.

And breaking with tradition doesn’t mean eliminating something entirely. You can simply find a simpler way. For example, extended families doing gift exchanges instead of everyone buying for everyone else. If you haven’t tried that, imagine how much lighter it could feel.

There are so many ways to make the holidays your own. You don’t have to do the same things every year. You can cycle traditions in and out. A few years ago we took our kids to New York City at Christmas. I thought it would be a one-time thing. And now we’re doing it again because our youngest wants to go. It feels fresh because it’s been a while—different shows, different restaurants, different ages.

Another idea I want to explore is creating efficiencies.

The holidays are a project. We resist thinking of them that way because we fear it diminishes the magic. But it doesn’t. There is magic and there is work. Planning all the things—cards, parties, decorating, gifts, travel—takes effort. And we layer that on top of our already full plates.

When we don’t create space for the work required, we get crushed under the weight of it. That’s when women tell me they’re not sleeping, not working out, and living on cookies. We forget that doing this well requires space.

Treating the holidays like a project can help:
– Make a master plan.
– Decide which week you’re doing which tasks.
– Identify milestones and deadlines.
– Delegate.
– Batch similar tasks.
– Take shortcuts intentionally.

Gift bags instead of wrapping. Ordering things pre-assembled. Whatever saves time on the pieces that matter less so you can enjoy the pieces that matter more.

I love wrapping gifts—it’s one of my favorite parts of the season. But if you hate it, you don’t have to do it. Save your energy for the parts you enjoy.

As you make these choices, emotions will come up—especially during the holidays. You may feel guilt or worry that others will be disappointed. And they might be. But protecting your own energy and well-being is worth it.

Practice saying:
I am allowed to choose what works for me.
I am allowed to say no.
I am allowed to ask for help.
I am allowed to create the holiday I want.

That may sound radical, but it feels amazing once you practice it.

This is the gift you can give yourself—permission to prioritize what matters.

Were the holidays ever really about doing it all? From Thanksgiving through the winter holidays and into the New Year, aren’t they truly about connection? Not perfection. Not checking every box. Not crossing the finish line exhausted, snappish, and burnt out.

Imagine instead feeling warm, present, and grounded with the people you care about because you curated your holiday down to its essence—and felt confident in your choices.

That’s the spirit of everything we teach at Brilliant Balance. And the holidays are a perfect time to practice it.

If you’ve been in this community a while, you may know there’s a holiday guide I’ve published for years. I’ll link it in the show notes. If you want a project plan to follow over the next few weeks, it’s there for you. If you already have it, pull it out and use it.

This year really can be different if you give yourself permission.

Pass this episode on to someone who needs it. You know someone does. Download the guide if it’s helpful.

Thanks for tuning in today. That’s all for now, my friends. Until next time—let’s be brilliant.