Episode #414 – Overcommitted? Try this.

This is episode 414 of the Brilliant Balance podcast. Overcommitted? This is for you.

Well, welcome back, my friend. Thank you for tuning in to today’s episode. I can only imagine that if you pressed play on this one, you identify with the idea of being overcommitted.

That’s not surprising to me, because it’s so common—maybe even typical—for women in this audience to fall prey to overcommitment with the very best of intentions. It happens almost by accident.

I was thinking about a time, a number of years ago, when I was working in my corporate phase. I opened my calendar and realized I was booked in back-to-back commitments from 7 a.m. until 9 or 10 p.m. most days. There were a number of things—both at work and outside of work—that I had said yes to. That was the kicker: every single one of these was something I chose. Nobody forced me into it.

I had built a prison of my own making. If you’ve ever looked at your schedule and thought, “How did I let this happen?” you are not alone.

Overcommitment is one of the biggest traps high-achieving women fall into. We don’t get there because we’re unfocused or careless; we get there because we’re ambitious, capable, and wired to help.

The problem is that our strength—being so dependable—can tip into a weakness when it leaves no room for us. That’s what I want to help us wrap our heads around today, so we can get more freedom from this dynamic.

So today, I want to walk you through a few shifts that can help you break the cycle of overcommitment. I’ll keep this real and share stories from women I’ve coached who’ve done exactly that.

By the end of this, my goal is that you’ll not only feel seen and understood, but also equipped to make changes that give you breathing room. We all want more of that—more space in our lives to do what we want to do, not just what we’ve already signed up for.

I have a few teaching points to pack into this episode. The first is this: most of us don’t realize how quickly the word “yes” tumbles out of our mouths.

We have an automatic yes. Before our brain has even registered the request—or stopped to think about what’s being asked—our lips have already agreed. The yes is out before we know what we’re saying.

Why is that? Because many of us have been conditioned to equate being needed with being valuable. Think about it. Maybe you were raised—or you’ve noticed in your adult life—that when you are needed, you have worth to your community. Maybe it’s at work, at home, or in the city where you live.

I had a client not very long ago who epitomized this. She was serving on multiple nonprofit boards. She chaired the school fundraiser—of course. And every time her boss asked her to take on an extra project, it was an automatic yes. She was exhausted; you could tell in every interaction that it was draining her.

But she felt guilty at the thought of stepping back. She would say things like, “Cherylanne, if I don’t do this, who will?” That sense of responsibility—if not me, then who?—might resonate with you, too.

The turning point for this client was giving herself a 24-hour buffer before saying yes: just a little time to think before responding to any request. Some of us are so intent on replying quickly—to the email, the text, or in person—that we feel like we’re letting someone down if we don’t respond right away. But that robs us of a powerful tool: the pause. A simple 24-hour pause breaks the automatic yes reflex.

To her surprise, most of the time the world didn’t fall apart when she said no. In fact, sometimes by the time she circled back, the request had already been handled by someone else.

I learned this years ago with those classroom party signups. At the start of the year you get the list of items to bring. I’m generally on top of my email, so I’d see the signup early when lots of spots were open, and I’d spend time pondering which thing to bring—what a waste of time in hindsight.

Once, I got pulled away after opening the email and didn’t respond right away. When I came back a couple of hours later—not even the next day—all the spots were filled. That inadvertent delay created space for other people to step in. The practical takeaway: the next time someone asks for your time, you don’t have to answer on the spot.

Instead, try: “Thanks for thinking of me. Let me check my calendar and get back to you,” or, “Let me think about it and get back to you.” It buys you time to evaluate the request: Do I want to do this? Does it align with my priorities? Do I realistically have the capacity? That pause can change everything.

So that’s teaching point one: learn to spot the sneaky automatic yes, and insert a pause.

The second shift is redefining what you view as reasonable. I did a whole episode on this recently (“Redefining Reasonable”), but it absolutely applies here. Overcommitment often comes from holding ourselves to completely unreasonable standards. We pile on responsibilities because we think, “Everyone else is doing it, so I should be able to.”

We look around and think, “If she’s doing it, I can do it.” But the truth is, what’s reasonable for one person in one season of life may not be reasonable for another.

There are things I happily took on when I didn’t have children—or when my children weren’t yet in school—that I would have had no business taking on during the thick of the early years. Likewise, there are things I take on now that wouldn’t have been realistic back then.

One client thought she could reasonably manage a full-time job, multiple teenagers in very active club sports, caring for aging parents (one with a new diagnosis), and training for a half marathon—all in the same season. Is that possible for some people? Maybe. But she felt like she was constantly letting someone down—and often that someone was herself.

She was trying to live at 150%. We worked to redefine what was realistic for this particular season. For her, that meant scaling back a couple of things, engaging a sibling in caregiving (a sibling who hadn’t been doing much), and tweaking her fitness goal—from a half marathon to a 10K for now. Not nothing, just right-sized.

We also made nuanced adjustments at work and in attendance at her kids’ sporting events to get everything back to a doable level.

Here’s a helpful question: If my best friend told me she was doing all of this, would I think it was reasonable? We often extend so much compassion to others and so little to ourselves. Borrowing that outside perspective helps right-size expectations.

It’s always tricky to share specific examples because what’s reasonable varies wildly by season, energy level, experience, and personal circumstances. Benchmarking yourself against others is risky—we only see part of their picture. Much of the complexity people carry is invisible and private, and it absolutely affects what we can take on.

In a recent coaching group, one woman shared data indicating her stress levels were significantly above baseline. Wearables that track heart rate, sleep, and other markers can flag elevated stress. If it’s elevated, what adjustments do you need to function well in this season?

This all ebbs and flows. We don’t always know what’s coming. Which brings me to the third teaching point: build white space before you need it.

Think about your calendar like a balloon. If you fill it to capacity and add even one more puff of air, it pops. That’s what happens when we live without margin—every minor disruption feels catastrophic because there’s no room.

Adding white space can feel impossible, but it’s powerful when we do it proactively. Then overflow has somewhere to go.

A client decided to experiment with blocking Friday afternoons as consistent white space—no meetings, no appointments, nothing calendared. Some weeks she used it to catch up on work. Other weeks, she used it for a long walk, a manicure, a call with a friend, or just rest.

It changed how she experienced both her week and her weekend. Instead of dragging into Friday, she knew she had space. She could end the week clear and shift into leisure time with family and friends.

You don’t have to start with a half day. Start with an hour a week of protected white space, or a couple of hours dotted here and there. Treat it like a standing appointment with yourself. Block it on your calendar as though it’s a meeting. No meetings, no errands, no obligations sneak in.

The magic is that it doesn’t just serve you; it serves everyone around you because you show up calmer and clearer in the time you do give.

Let’s recap the three shifts to break the cycle of overcommitment:

1. Learn to spot the automatic yes, and insert a pause.

2. Redefine what’s reasonable for you in this season.

3. Build in white space before you need it, instead of scrambling during a crisis.

You don’t have to live at the mercy of everyone else’s demands and calendars. There’s more control available than you probably think. The only way to prove that to yourself is to run these experiments. I want you to have the breathing room and freedom to enjoy the life you’ve worked so hard to build.

Your challenge this week: choose one of these to experiment with—pause before saying yes, take a hard look at what’s reasonable right now, or block some white space in your calendar—and notice how it changes the way you feel.

If this episode resonated with you, you probably know others who are also overcommitted. Share it with them. When we spread these ideas to people who can benefit, the effects multiply. It’s powerful when you’re not the only one making changes.

And if you know you’d benefit from support and a community of women making these same changes, be in touch with the Brilliant Balance community. We have many ways to serve you—with free content beyond the podcast and within our paid memberships. If you’re just discovering Brilliant Balance and are curious about what we offer, head over to the website to join our weekly newsletter and connect with me and my team. I’d love for you to experience community with other women making these kinds of changes.

That’s all for today, my friends. Till next time—let’s be brilliant.