Episode #385 – Aligned & Authentic: How to Fully Integrate Your Life

This is episode 385 of the Brilliant Balance Podcast: Aligned and Authentic – How to Fully Integrate Your Life.

Thank you for tuning in to today’s episode. It is such a privilege to know that you’re out there, devoting a little bit of time to whatever it is I’m going to share with you today. I don’t take that lightly, and I just want to say thank you for choosing to listen to this particular episode at this particular moment in time.

Today, I’m going to talk about the idea of alignment. Maybe another way of thinking about it is integration. Another way of thinking about it is authenticity. Whatever word you use, just know that I’m talking about the same thing: the ability to be yourself, wherever you are and whatever you are doing in the world. It’s about connecting to your truest essence and the freedom that comes with truly being yourself.

As I was pulling this episode together, I was reminded of an experience I had a number of years ago. I had been on stage delivering a keynote for a women’s conference hosted by a group of three different companies that had pooled their resources to bring their female employees together.

I love an audience like that. Give me a room full of professional women who are ready to play bigger—this is my favorite thing to do. I was on stage for the morning session, delivering the keynote.

Often, when I do something like that, I also get asked to do a breakout session. So, I had a quick turnaround between coming off the main stage and getting into the breakout room. I was using the time to shovel some food into my mouth, standing at the corner of the breakout room, watching people file in. I noticed one woman glance over at me repeatedly. Eventually, she got up and came over to talk to me about something I had said on stage.

While I was finishing my food, I was chatting with her, and then I went up and did the breakout session. Fast forward a couple of years, and not only did that woman go on to become a client—she also became an employee of Brilliant Balance.

During one of our conversations in the interview process, she shared something surprising. She told me she had expected me to have a different persona off stage. She assumed that the energy I had on stage was something I had crafted, and that if she ran into me later in a hallway or even in the ladies’ room, I would be a different person—maybe more dismissive or closed off.

I was so surprised by that at the time. I wondered, Why would she think I would be different? Because the reality is, I think I am pretty much the same on stage, on this podcast, or in “real life.” Of course, there are slight differences, but I feel lucky that I move through the world at this stage in my life as essentially the same person.

That said, I also recognize that, in the environment we’re in today, not everyone feels permission to do that. I find myself questioning whether I can fully express certain aspects of my personality and values in all arenas.

I was raised with the belief that you don’t talk about politics, religion, or money—those were the three topics that, if avoided, would smooth out interpersonal interactions. I think a lot of us were raised with that guidance. And yet, we now live in an era where politics are front and center in the discourse. Religion, for many, is also a major part of the conversation, especially for those who consider themselves spiritual seekers. And money—especially for women—is something we need to talk about, because so many of us have internalized the belief that we don’t know enough about it.

In my work, I see a lot of secrecy and even shame around money. These are areas where we need to be braver. When I had one of the hosts of Pantsuit Politics on the show last fall, she said something that stuck with me: If we don’t figure out how to talk about areas where we disagree or where our thinking can evolve, those conversations go underground. That’s how we end up with deeply entrenched factions, with people holding opposing viewpoints in secrecy for years.

All of this is in the zeitgeist right now. The question of Are we allowed to say what we think? Is it safe to believe what we believe? Can we be ourselves without repercussions?—this is the world we live in today. And whether we like it or not, we have to navigate it.

Yet, despite all that, authenticity still matters. Integration still matters. The ability to be fully ourselves still matters.

When I think about why it’s so valuable to be authentic, I realize it’s because it’s the freest state we can be in. It’s a relief. Our shoulders drop. There’s no posturing, no need to “perform.”

Think about the place where you feel like you can fully be yourself. I hope it’s at home. But I also know that’s not always the case. I hope you feel that way at work. But I know plenty of people don’t.

So, where do you feel safe to be fully yourself? And if you don’t, what can you do about it?

I believe there’s a progression to living in alignment. The first step is knowing yourself. If we want to have a shot at authenticity, we have to have a high level of self-awareness. Without it, we end up shape-shifting to fit in with whoever we’re around. This is common in adolescence, but many people carry that pattern into adulthood.

The second step is liking yourself. This means self-acceptance and self-compassion. It’s about embracing your values and traits, recognizing the good in them, and quieting the noise of comparison.

Finally, the third step is being yourself. This is where we fully embody and express all the parts of who we are. We stand in our values, we speak our minds, and we let others see the real us.

When we are able to do these three things—know ourselves, like ourselves, and be ourselves—we move through the world as the best version of ourselves. The right people will be drawn to that, and we’ll find our tribe.

So why don’t we do this? Because we’re afraid. We fear rejection, and sometimes that fear is reasonable. But if you feel like you can’t be yourself in your work or home environment, that may be a clue that you’re not in the right place—not that you are the problem.

Trusting others to accept our true selves requires being in the right environments. That’s why spaces like BOLD, the community I run for women leaders, are so powerful. These women realize they can finally express their full ambition without fear of judgment.

I’ve seen this in my own life too. When I’m surrounded by people who truly get me, the ability to be fully authentic is liberating. And I want that for you. I want you to find spaces where you can be fully yourself—whether it’s on stage, in a boardroom, or at the grocery store.

That’s all I have for you today, my friends. Until next time, let’s be brilliant.