Episode #372 – Presence Over Perfection: A Mid-December Mindset Reset

This is episode 372 of the Brilliant Balance podcast. Today, this is your reminder to choose presence over perfection—a mid-December mindset reset of sorts. Here we are in the middle of December, in the thick of all the hustle and bustle. I don’t know if your December is unfolding anything like mine, but this is about the point where I’m usually ready to lose it.

Everything has gone into overdrive. I feel like I’m running out of time. I remember back when my kids were younger, there was so much happening at school in these last precious weeks before the holiday. Now that I have kids who are teenagers, whether it’s high school and they’re squeezing in one or two last tests before the end of the quarter—which really become semester grades—or one in college who is hitting the end of a semester and getting ready to come home for break, it feels like the holiday isn’t even the real deadline. It’s somehow moved up to well before the holiday, and everything needs to be ready.

If you throw in all of those early traditions—like in our house, we do St. Nicholas Day on December 6th, which is a stocking-based tradition where St. Nicholas comes early and leaves stockings—it’s a fun, added thing early in the month. If you’re doing the elf situation, you probably have a lot of elven activity already underway. There are parties happening and so many things going on. This is the point in the month where we need a bit of a mindset reset.

It’s hard. It’s hard for some of the reasons I just mentioned, but it’s also really important. So let’s give ourselves a little compassion about why it might be so difficult to stay present. Why might we feel like we’re hovering above the holiday experience or just skimming across the surface of it instead of really dropping in? I’ll give you three reminders to think about.

One is our addiction to multitasking. The mental overload is real. There are so many things I just described that we’re trying to keep track of. As women, stereotypically, we often carry that extra mental load during the holidays, just like we do the rest of the year. Coordinating schedules, buying gifts, decorating, preparing meals—there’s just a lot. In an effort to be efficient, we often multitask. While the tree is being decorated, we’re planning tomorrow’s grocery list in our heads instead of being in the moment. Or we’re mentally drafting an email instead of really watching that Christmas movie. It’s so common to multitask because the mental overload is significant, but it’s a drag on presence. It’s hard to be fully present doing one thing when, by definition, you’re doing more than one thing.

The second thing is that perfectionism runs rampant during the holidays. Our desire to create the perfect holiday often pulls us into focusing on what’s next or what just happened instead of what’s now. For example, while making cookies, you might think, “Is everyone going to like these? Are they good enough? Are they turning out well? Are they underbaked or overbaked?” Instead of just enjoying the fun of baking, we focus on the outcome. The holidays become another place where perfectionism takes over. Has anyone had a meltdown trying to get a holiday card photo this year? That has never happened in our household—wink. With older kids, it’s harder to get a photo everyone will approve of. At this point, it feels like everyone gets sign-off rights for the photo. At least they’re not bursting into tears or needing a diaper change during the photo shoot like in years past.

Perfectionism can pull us out of the moment because we’re steering toward some imaginary ideal. Another challenge is the emotional expectations of the season. You might sit through gift opening worrying about how people are reacting to their gifts instead of just letting it happen. Or you might spend a holiday meal with extended family worried about being judged for your cooking or your kids’ behavior instead of focusing on the time together.

Perfectionism, emotional expectations, and multitasking driven by mental overload are very real challenges. But the cost of these is that they take us away from being able to drop in and be present. And that’s so often what women in my community tell me they want. When asked, “What do you really want most?” presence is a word that comes up a lot. And it’s important. There are good reasons to want to be present—it strengthens our connections with others.

When others know they have our full attention, even briefly, it makes a difference. Watching your child do a holiday activity and truly seeing the sparkle in their eyes is different than buzzing through the room while they’re in parallel having an experience. Presence reduces our overwhelm because it allows us to focus on one thing at a time. The present moment is rarely overwhelming—it’s the future and all the things we haven’t done yet, or ruminating on the past, that overwhelms us. Staying in the moment helps prevent that spinning feeling.

Presence also creates memorable moments. Ordinary activities can transform into cherished memories. Watching snowfall, sharing a story, or laughing together over a meal becomes locked into our memory in a different way when we are fully present.

We know presence is important and difficult to achieve. So here are a few tangible ideas to help you be more present during the rest of this season and beyond. First, use a grounding practice, like threshold rituals, to transition between parts of your day. Take three deep breaths and ask yourself how you want to show up in the moment.

Second, set boundaries with technology. During key moments, store phones in another room to focus on the smells, sounds, and conversations around you.

Third, choose presence over perfection. Decide that the holiday will be perfectly imperfect. Let go of the Pinterest-worthy table setting or perfectly wrapped gifts and focus on the joy of being in the moment with your family.

Choosing presence is elusive but worth striving for. It strengthens relationships, reduces overwhelm, and creates lasting memories. Let’s embrace presence over perfection to make the rest of this month meaningful.